Found a Lonely Planet India, 75% off today, thought it was a sign, bought it. can already smell the food and see the Ganges in my head.
Off on a summer camp, my first at 26! 3 days milking cows and playing hide and seek with 15 japanese kiddies. Should be fun!
Back friday then finally off on holy-fucking-daze. YES.
Breaking my own heart.
Went out last night, very high level of alcohol intake, can barely remember the night. Just had blurry flashbacks coming in all day. Cringe. Sweden made it at the end. Inside I was jumping for joy. We kissed like teenagers hidden in the corridor. As much as it hurts me, it also feels so good. We stayed at my friend who is away. We ended up taking a bath at 7 am. My heart was literally about to bounce out of my rib cage. It felt so good. Water, skin and beauty spots. Complete bliss. We talked a little. Drunken confessions? It did not make much sense. I just fell asleep in his arms. I did not hear him leave. I woke up with a splitting headache, lost for words. Sat on the sofa for 30 minutes staring into the nothingness. No idea of what time it was. No more battery on my phone. Dragged myself out. Everything felt so vivid and intense. At Shibuya crossing I really felt part of the city for a minute. Then cried all the way home in the train. Ever so fucked-up. Why do I do this to myself? Those feelings hurt but at the same time I feel alive. I don’t understand. Nothing makes sense. He leaves on sunday, I want him to stay. Chances are so slim. Let’s face it I will probably just have the memories and a massive wave of sadness to surf on. GAH. Feel so fucking unfair right now.
Found out a few days ago that my grand dad has pancreatic cancer. I am beyond sad and scared. Trying to come to terms with the news. Failing. I talked to him over skype yesterday. He seemed in good spirit. I stupidly googled to find out more. It is one of the deadliest, survival rate are very low. Fuck I can’t deal with Loss. Beyond sad.
Every life has its highs and lows right?! Why is it that I feel that my highs are always very high and my lows very low ? Pondering.
Just saw a massive ( ok BIG ) spider on my ceiling, started stressing out, knocked on my flatmate’s door. thank god he is still awake. asks him to come save the day. he climbs on my bed ( which is covered in clothes ) tries to grab the spider and bam have it fall in the middle of my clothes. and he is like ah well you’ll have to find her now…! FECKING GREAT MATEY! I have him push the clothes around. She appears. And he pushes her on the floor then uses the book i am currently reading as a shield to push her just outside my door.
Needless to say that I know feel like she is coming back. and she isnt’t happy.
GAH! Should I have tried to do it myself.
Otherwise weekend was super nice. Keeping mind busy. Hanging out with babes. Just went for a super lovely bike ride. My first one in Japan! It’s hot hot hot.
Tomorrow will be 10 years since I left France for Australia. The proper first day of my Life. Incredible. I feel old but I feel accomplished too. Because it’s been 10 fucking crazy years.
About to post a few things that made me want to go to Australia in the first place.